Funny if you think about

I read this today:

"By this time we had done our patriotic duty as Americans and spent our tax rebate on a new HD television"

And it struck me as funny. Economy bad? Let everyone go out and buy a new tv. You know? This is not the first, or the second, or the third reference I have seen to those stimulus checks and new TVs. I think I can count about 8 people I know first hand who used that money to buy a tv. Thing is? Where were all those TV's made? Aside from the people at Best Buy making minimum wage, who did this help???

A link from a link from a link TO a link led me to Found Magazine, which I think I have browsed before and find slightly similar to Post Secret, but found really amusing this morning. Could be my complete *need* for humor at this point, but anyway...this note is great, but it would be much better if I knew which of the following were true:

-Our poor Alyssa is so distraught she cannot spell her insult correctly

or

-Our poor Alyssa is hurt but has not lost her wit and is adamant that Ted is indeed the WHOLE ass, not just part of it.

and...If Ted expects he and Alyssa to go to the prom, do they not need feet to dance????

A tip...

because you know I like to share my insider information with my friends.

When it is very early in the morning, and you think to yourself, "I have a few minutes and my heels are feeling a little rough, I think I will grab my Ped Egg and my lotion." And, knowing you are clumsy you remind yourself that you are wearing sandals today and too much lotion will make them very slippery, so go easy on the lotion. Remembering this is a very good thing, but make a note here. When you go to grab the lotion? Turn the light on. Here's why:

I used the Ped Egg with no problem (although a silencer on that thing would be nice. Sounds like a saw!). As I was putting on the lotion, I noticed it was not soaking in as well as it should have, but, I went ahead anyway, because you know, why bother? It was very early so often times I rely on the light from the rerun of the George Lopez Show on Nick at Night on the TV, which up until today, has never failed me. After I complete the lotion application on both feet, I get up to return the lotion, and as I am putting it away I think to myself, "hmm...this is somewhat larger than my lotion tube." And I look down and what is it? It is moisturizing all right. Moisturizing BODY WASH.

Now, while this is mildy disappointing, it does say moisturizing right there on the bottle, so, lazy me decides, eh...I rubbed it in. Tis safe for bodies. What's the harm? At least my feet will not be slipping around in my sandals, and I go on my merry way. I don't wanna stop and wash it off. My feet are smooth, and smelling very much like citrus, which really? Who could be offended by this?

So, I leave for work. And realize I have to stop for gas. Now, I should have stopped yesterday for gas but I really HATE pumping gas. It is the biggest waste of time to me, and is now economically painful. I would have stopped yesterday but vanity got in the way (shocker, no?). It was, literally 99% humidity, and my hair? It would have poofed right out there instantly like some time lapse video you would see on Discovery. Only this? Would have been real time. So I put off getting gas until today. I got in the car, stopped off at McD's for the large Diet Coke (where I had to pay cash because the debit card thingie was not working...again!), and monitored gas prices all the way to my regular filling station. (Which, I screwed myself out of 3 cents per gallon, but, when it costs $55 to fill up? Who's counting).

So, I get out of the car, and it is raining...and there are puddles. Vanity screwed me, but do you *see* where this is going? As I was standing there, in the puddle, in the rain, I noticed the distinct smell of oranges. Hmm...where is this coming from? Is someone using Orange Glo??? And then? I look down.

My feet. My feet are FOAMING. I am standing here, pumping gas, all dressed in black, while my feet -- cute pink toes, strappy black sandals and all -- create a lovely foaming lather with an overwhelming smell of orange blossoms, right there at the Hess Mart. Although this story would be much more humorous if there was say, a total stranger also pumping gas to witness it, I am very grateful that it pretty stops here. Unless you could the part about me walking VERY cautiously to the door of my car because my feet were so slippery I assumed I was walking on a slightly slick, one inch beam of ice about 50 stories up. You know how slippery that is? Yeah. Welcome to my world.

Moral of the story? Turn the light on and make sure you're really getting lotion when you think you are. Or keep your body wash somewhere else...

Waiting

So I am sitting here, waiting for the creativity to just start flowing and...well...it has not hit yet Stay tuned. I am confident at some point a streak of whitty and clever will come spewing forth like :insert your own forecful metephor here:.

The television show “America’s Next Top Model” will have an open casting call.

Casting directors are looking for women between the ages of 18 and 27.

Diverse backgrounds, shapes and sizes are desired, but all contestants must meet a minimum height requirement of 5-foot-7.

Thankfully, this is not on my list of aspirations, as not only am I too old -- I am too short!! Damn!

I am tall/short enough, however, to qualify to be a Whoo in the Universal Studios Grinchmas celebration. Great. My height allows me not to be beautiful by America's standards, but to be a microscopic cartoon character. Go me!

Naming this blog (or more than you ever needed to know about some of the Greek Goddesses)

Yeah, so, naming this blog? Not so easy.

I've had 2 other blogs. Naming them was a little easier. Then in moments of wishing my entire identity would vanish, they were deleted. *poof* I guess that's probably the equivalent to iSuicide or something, huh? Never thought about it that way. Anyway, I considered reverting back to the one name, but really...not so much is missing anymore. Well, I mean, it *is* missing right now, physically speaking, but internally and emotionally, it's all there. I think anyway. ::looks around:: I'm pretty sure anyway...There are still alot of things missing though. Among them world peace, winning lottery numbers, oh, and the truth about my childhood that I am trying to piece together.

So back to naming, no? I wanted something cryptic, something somewhat mysterious. Something with a hint of romance and a hint of darkness because well, some days? You just feel BLAH! Something clever and something *me*. So, where do I turn? Well to the Greek Goddesses of course...duh! (Now, if you have ever seen me? You know this is quite a stretch. Not only do I have all of my limbs and require oxygen to breathe, I am not able to cast spells nor can I turn people into animals or anything - not that I have ever been desperate enough to $19.95 for a book of spells to do so or anything). But you know what? I am part dreamer as well. So I set off in search of the perfect Greek Goddess whose name I can use to propel myself into the blogosphere. The first one that came to mind was Thetis. She was a sea goddess and is referred to as poetic. But then I read some more about it, and she had this idea that if you set things -- specifically babies, like her own -- on fire, they would be immortal, and that is really not so nice. I do not want to be associated with *that*. So, I kept searching.

Aglaia is the personification of bright splendorous magnificence. Awh, that is just so like me, no??? I mean, really! And she was one of the three graces! And dare I point out that, and I quote, from what is undoubtably a highly accurate internet source: "Also, an important note, apparently she had large breasts." Well, we were off to a good start, but seeing that information out there? Not much. Besides, Aglaia looks like algea to me. I like the color green, but...who wants a blog that resembles algea.

Astarte - the Fertility Goddess, she was helpful whether one wanted to bear a child or plant a garden. No, no no...I am done growing babies and I am just no good growing things intentionally. Occasionally I am able to sprout something in the fridge, but like I said, that's not intentional and I don't think it is anything a bunch of people, other than maybe 5th graders looking for a science project, are out there aspiring to do. And that name reminds me of aspartamine, which we all know, is bad. And kinda reminds you of "tart" too. And I am not a tart! (anymore at least).

OMG -- what about Callipygos! Do you know Callipygos? It is sometimes a surname for Aphrodite. It means "beautiful buttocks." Ha! Yeah, that's it! I will name this blog after that, and y'all can break out into your best versions of "You're So Vain" when you see me. Not!

Crap.

Are there no cool goddesses out there?

Oh, here's one. Amphictyonis. She was the Goddess of Wine, and of Friendship Between Nations. I like the idea of wine, but it makes me very ill. And I really love it idea of world peace, but honestly - can ya'll even SAY Amphictyonis? And the letter grouping of "phinct" makes me think of something else. (add and s at the beginning and...)

I read about Amphitrite. She is the sister of Thetis. This is a kinda messed up family me thinks. (Ah, something in common with my own!) Anyway, she married Poseidon and she was the Goddess of the Mediterranean Sea. You know how like I water reference here, so this might be good. Her symbol is the dolphin. A little trendy, but she was a little before our time, so we can forgive that. The stories say that she was not a jealous wife (tis a redeeming quality), and didn't care if her husband slept with anyone else. Yeah, okay -- similarities stop there! Except she really did not think it was cool when he slept with Scylla, who she poisoned and turned into a sea-monster. Muahaha-- you go Amphitrite! She had three kids. Some people describe her as totally boring, others say she was the closest to a "normal woman" (withhold all comments here, I am telling you -- if you have a penis - hold. your. tongue.) than any of the others. She didn't immediately fall for her husband, but fell for him after he tried really hard. She generally put up with his shenanigans, but got pissed every once in a while. She had a job, she did it, but didn't get that much worship for it - Poseidon tended to get that, however people did like recognizing her for her beauty and image. Just like me. NOT, lol!

Okay, so this whole Greek thing is taking too much of my time and I can't find anything suitable.

:::time passes:::

We can't have a blog with no name. Sometimes I call myself The Chicken Soup Girl, because it seems people always come around when they want something comforting and familiar, and then I don't hear from them until the next crisis, but if I use that name, I will get all kinds of hits from people looking for those books or recipes. Not that there is anything wrong with that, I mean, I occasionally look for books or recipes myself, but I would hate to look for that and then end up here, in what will likely be one of the more schizophrenic blogs out there, riddled with rants and potentially even....:::whispers::: smut! =) (No,there can be no smut. This is not *that* kind of blog. That is what MySpace is for.)

:::more time passes:::

Still looking at Greek Goddesses. There has to be one that is suitable. As much as I fancy myself like Cinderella, I just can't name a blog after her. That's very unoriginal. And Fractured Fairy tales is already taken by those silly cartoons. ('Member those? You 'member!) Thank you Rocky and Bullwinkle.

There is a Goddess of the Foothills. I am thinking that is like, akin to a modern day Kellie Pickler or something.


Oh, oh, oh!!! Potential!!

There is potential!! It to us to the letter K, but we have one!

Komodia: A Goddess of Happiness and Amusement. More like the personification of it.

Yes, yes yes!

Welcome to Komodia.